See also: ABC Conflict Management.pdf

HER PERSPECTIVE of the issue:
Ladies: Give your side of the issue; describe the issue in as much detail as possible.  Share how this makes you feel.
–2 Minutes–

Men: Mirror back what she just said, “What I heard you say is……”
–30 Seconds–

Men: Acknowledge the feeling your mate is experiencing by saying………..“I know you feel…”
–30 Seconds–

ROAD BLOCKS
Here are some common road blocks in the process.  You may be challenging her story, defending yourself, or wanting to the get the story straight.  You will get your chance!  Listen, her perspective is just that; her perspective.  You do not have to agree with this version of the story; you simply have to empathize with her dilemma by mirroring back what she just said.  If you are getting triggered by her perspective, you have just made this about you instead of her.  I guarantee, if you were sitting with someone other than your mate, you wouldn’t be doing this.  OK, you’ve had some training on mirroring now let’s see you use the tool.  I’ll give you another 30 seconds to mirror, “what I heard you say is…”.

HIS PERSPECTIVE of the issue:
Men: Give your side of the issue; describe the battle in as much detail as possible.  Share how this makes you feel.
–2 Minute–

Ladies: Mirror back what he just said, “What I heard you say is……”
–30 Seconds—

Ladies: Acknowledge the feeling your mate is experiencing by saying………..“I know you feel…”
–30 Seconds–

ROAD BLOCKS
Remember, his perspective is his perspective.  You do not have to agree with this version of the story; you simply have to empathize with the dilemma by mirroring back what was said.  If you are getting triggered, you have just made this about you.  OK, you’ve had some training on mirroring now let’s see you use the tool.  Let’s try this again, “what I heard you say is…”.

SCORE – WIN-WIN
You have now heard each other’s side of the story.  You’ve also heard each other’s feelings about the issue.  You’re now going to share your own personal view of how to solve this issue.  Remember to stay on ONE topic.

Ladies: Tell your mate your best case solution and how you would feel about getting this issue behind you.
–1 Minute–

Men: Mirror back what she just said AND how she feels, “What I heard is …” “I know you feel …”
–1 Minute–

Men: Tell your mate your best case solution and how you would feel about getting this issue behind you.
–1 Minute–

Ladies: Mirror back what he just said AND how he feels, “What I heard is …” “I know you feel …”
–1 Minute–

Now that you have heard each other’s ideas on resolving the issue, we’re going to compromise a bit and share what you would be willing to settle for to resolve the issue.

Ladies: Tell your mate what you would be willing to settle for to resolve this issue.
–1 Minute–

Men: Mirror back what she just said, “What I heard you say is…”
–30 Seconds–

Men: Tell your mate what you would be willing to settle for to resolve this issue.
–1 Minute–

Ladies: Mirror back what he just said, “What I heard you say is…”
–30 Seconds–

You should now have as much information as you need to get to a solution if you are willing to give a little.  Negotiate, barter, compromise, sacrifice, get creative!

Now take 3 Minutes to negotiate a solution that is a WIN/WIN for both of you.  Be sure to include YOUR COMMITMENT to make this work.  Once you have the solution write it down as a game plan on paper.
–5 Minutes—

STOP

Conflict resolution is a complex process that you have to take step by step to successfully resolve, once and for all, the issues that plague your relationships.  Here are the steps:

• Focus the conflict on ONE ISSUE .
• Hear each side’s perspective and feelings.
• Mirror back the other’s perspective and feelings.
• Hear each side’s best case solution.
• Hear what each of you would be willing to settle for to resolve the issue.
• Negotiate a mutual resolution

You now have a working process for conflict resolution that you can use at home, at work, with your mates, kids, anybody.